Forgoing his addicting presence

It was a typical day inside the institution. But for her, it was a new day of going to the comfort room as it was her favorite place to go. If for others, the said part of the institution was where people access the toilet and sink for urination, defecation, and other sanitary purposes. For her, it was a spot where she could get the chance to talk to him.

She couldn’t remember the day it all started. All she knew was she had a small talk with him when they were in the gender-inclusive comfort room brushing their teeth, alone together. Afterward, she caught him taking a glance at her during a study session. At first, she ignored it as she thought it was simply random since there are many possibilities eyes go in different directions. However, as time went by, she noticed that it became repetitive that it created a multitude of wavelengths.

She got curious about this guy that she unconsciously stared at him whenever she saw him. She thought he was cute. No! Adorable was more appropriate to describe him for his not-so-tall figure adds cuteness to his lovely and intricate skin. His limbs were as delicate as those with babies. His front was magnificent as that of a carved masterpiece by a famous sculptor.

In the past months, all she could think about was her other-worldly yet, sporadic moments with him. She could remember all the topics they talked about. She could depict all the frames of every scene they had. She could count the number of times he opened his mouth. Subsequently, she couldn’t fully concentrate on her studies. Nonetheless, she was unbothered for as long as she could feel his presence.

She could look at him all night with her eyes wide open for his presence that had already intruded her brain kept her sedated. She would act as if she had been injected with modafinil. That’s how addicting the guy was. Yet, she couldn’t get enough of him. Sure, they would have small talks every time they chanced upon each other in the comfort room. However, she wanted to talk to him more and longer than how much she could linger her eyes upon him.

F*ck! How could he do this to her? How could he make her insane when he was the one who started all the gazing? How could he feign his feelings whenever they conversed? Oh! Were there any feelings involved in the first place?

She prepared some stuff to talk about with him today, hoping they would have a deep conversation. Fortunately, they had a series of exchanging messages that lasted for about five minutes, and she liked it. But, she was slapped with the fact that such conversation came with the territory of learning forlorn information.

She was dismayed. Just when she thought they were progressing at greater heights, they were hindered by a sudden antidote that seemed to obliterate all the chemicals running through her blood. She didn’t like it. She wanted a constant supply of toxins traveling throughout her body. But, fate seemed to be uncooperative.

She wouldn’t be able to see him ever again.

She would no longer feel all the emotions.

She was afraid.

She was hurt.

Morphine.

She wanted to ease the longing and pain.

That’s all she could think about.

She spaced out for two hours or so. She couldn’t believe what happened. She wanted to chase him, but how and most importantly, why? Had they labeled their relationship? Because as far as she knew, they were only acquaintances.

After hours of contemplating, she decided to let him go for she realized that he was like a drug that would kill her softly and slowly. Ever since he came into the picture, she couldn’t do what she used to do in her daily life. She was too focused on him that she only gave little attention to her loved ones. It was upsetting! And she did not even realize it until now.

She chose to take what was good for her and what made her functioning, even if it meant detoxing and relinquishing the person she had depended on for a couple of months.

Gone were the days when his presence was enough to make her feel intoxicated. She missed it. She truly missed it. But what can she do? Nothing, but reminisce all the feelings, emotions, and moments she had with him.